Raising children with appropriate discipline and punishment requires balanced measures
Raising children with appropriate discipline and punishment requires balanced measuresBeing a parent is not an easy undertaking. Beginning with the toddler age, you must teach kids age appropriate discipline and, unfortunately, an appropriate punishment. These little ones are so cute, it's hard to say 'no' when they go out of bounds. However, unless you establish clear boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior, the discipline problems will only increase as time goes along. A toddler who doesn't accept authoritative discipline may well grow into a six year old who hits another child simply out of anger. The trick to teaching children self restraint lies in a balanced approach to discipline and punishment.
When you administer discipline and punishment, the punishment must be no more or less than the behavioral infraction. For example, if your toddler decides to throw a tantrum at the grocery checkout because you said 'no' to a candy bar, it would hardly be age appropriate to punish the child by sending him to bed without dinner. Matching up the discipline and punishment here might be better served by admonishing him on the spot with a remark, asking him to look around and see if other children were having tantrums. A big kid like you doesn't throw himself on the floor and yell over a candy bar. Leave it at that. All kids go through the tantrum stage. Identifying him as a 'big kid' will likely inspire him to act more like a 'big kid', particularly if there's a baby in a nearby cart, throwing a tantrum or not. He won't want to identify with being 'a baby'.
In another scenario, let's say your six year old gets mad at a playmate or sibling over possession of a toy and decides to punch him one. This type of behavior won't do. In this case, matching the discipline and punishment might well involve sending the child to bed without television privileges or dinner. In addition to the punishment, you need to have a chat, brief and to the point, letting the child know that punching another person is not how people behave, at any age. Let him know that there's always someone else who might punch him back and he'd be the one with a black eye, or worse. Now is the time to make an impression, or you'll end up with a rapidly developing bullying problem. The next morning, when he's had a chance to reflect and cool off, tell him he's got to make an apology.
On the other hand, parents who apply discipline and punishment in an unbalanced manner, where the punishment is disproportionately harsh, are only breeding resentment and even more serious discipline problems.
This balancing act can be a difficult one. If you feel frustrated at not knowing how to handle discipline problems, talk to your own physician, who can probably give you some good leads on books or websites that can help. Your own Mom may also have some good advice on handling some of these discipline and punishment issues. A child that learns self discipline early grows into a well adjusted and happy youngster. Good luck!
