Defining the 'rules' of the 21st century teen dating relationship
Defining the 'rules' of the 21st century teen dating relationshipYou may recall seeing the old re-runs of 'Ozzie and Harriet' or 'Leave it to Beaver', where parents of dating teens always always met the young man or woman their child was going out on a date with, before the date ever happened. Here are a few examples of the 1950s 'rules' of a dating relationship. The young man of the 1950s would never leave his date standing on a corner, to make her own way home. He wouldn't dream of using foul language in front of his date. Girls were supposed to wait for the young man to come around and open the car door, she expected a corsage to wear to the prom and she'd drop dead before she phoned him first!
Well, times have changed, radically. Agreed, the 1950s era 'rules' of dating relationships do smack of an overly prissy and formal approach, tending to stifle the natural exuberance and authenticity of the young. On the other hand, the pendulum has perhaps swung too far in the opposite direction today.
Let's see if we can't put a realistic face on the 21st century dating relationship. After all, what's the point of dating? Young men and women want to meet people, whose company they enjoy and just have a good time.
The 'rules' imposed back in the day were intended to keep teens safe and on the straight and narrow path to eventual matrimony. Dating relationships between adults had much the same objectives, with an emphasis on etiquette being satisfactorily and properly performed. What's missing from this pat formula? Spontaneity! This was the dreaded ingredient. Too much room for out-of-the-box thinking which might well crush Miss Manners' guidebook on proper behavior.
Establishing a realistic set of 'rules' for modern dating requires that we not throw the baby out with the bath water. The custom of meeting your child's date is practical and prudent. Insisting that the boy endure a grilling comparable to the Spanish Inquisition is not fair, nor practical.
So what constitutes a good dating relationship? Some values never go out of style, despite Miss Manner's immovable precepts. Adults and kids alike can agree that mutual respect, honesty and integrity are at the core of a healthy dating relationship. As a parent and adult, you can easily size up that teen's basic character, provided you do not bias your thinking, based on the 1950s model. Your child, too, will be capable of making this assessment.
You've spent more than a decade plus, instilling your kids with guidelines on judging right from wrong, potential dangers and the consequences of their actions. Now it's time to give over that trust and allow them some freedom. Scary, huh?
However, if you've taught them, they will see the signatures of a bad dating relationship immediately.
Dating today has a much looser definition than in times past. However, the modern dating relationship for teens hasn't really changed so much. Kids want dating to be fun, while you want them to be safe. Isn't that what Mrs. Cleaver was after?
